how i bounced back

Disclaimer: Each individual who suffers from mental health disorders are different. This post talks about what worked for me. What I did to bounce back from my struggles may not work for you or someone you know. Maybe it will. I don't know. It never hurts to try ideas people are willing to share, and are safe, to see if it helps you. Always consult your mental health provider on things you would like to try to see if it helps make life a little bit easier.

It's no secret that 2018 was a hard time for me with regard to mental health. I've shared my struggles on social media because I wanted people to see the bad side of mental health and suicide.

In the media, we never get a complete picture, which is critical to understanding mental behavior. If we really wanted to take the steps of solving mental health disorders around the world, we need that complete picture, the good and the bad, as well as the dark and light sides of it all. This is why I was so open to sharing my battle.

Towards the end of 2018, I committed myself to bounce back and dig in to fight against my mental health problems. I made this commitment because I wanted to go into 2019 with a more positive view of my life and see all the good things that are happening rather than the bad.

Let me talk about the little things that I did to help prep myself for my 2019 commitment. This also ties into the main idea or concept that ultimately allowed me to bounce back.

Towards the end of last year and a little bit of January of this year, I decided to close a lot of books that I identified as triggers for my depression or suicidal ideation. I went through each thing, person, or place, that were causing these triggers I knew I could close, and I made the tough decision to walk away from all of them.

Accomplishing these steps I knew it would put me on the right track going to success. They may have been little steps, but in reality, these were quite big.

I'm sure everything is screaming at their screens now, "JUST TELL ME ALREADY!", haha. Well, fine.

Worry about the things you can control. The things you can't control, don't worry about them.

What!? Yeah, it's kind of that simple. Well, at least to me. I didn't get this from a therapist, a self-help book, a friend, or family. I took concepts from what I learned in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and applied it to create the idea above.

Worry about and deal with the things you have the power to actually act on. These are the things you can work on or with a therapist to resolve or become a thing that impacts your life less.

The things you cannot control nor have the power to change. They aren't worth your time or brain power. Why? Because you can't do anything about it. So make them less of a priority until you have the power and ability to do something about it. Now, this doesn't mean you ignore them completely, that's impossible and your idle mind will still bring up those memories or the triggers. If we could completely ignore it, then we would have solved mental health disorders. But you have the best tool when those triggers come back. You already know that, at this time or moment, you can't do anything to change it. Keep telling yourself that each time you start noticing it affecting your mental health.

It's all about breaking the cycle of depression or what have you. The key is to acknowledge the trigger before it starts the cycle. I'll be the first one to tell you, it's not an easy thing to do, but you can do it! Using basic computer programming, it's an easy if/else statement.

if( trigger = controllable ) {
    work on resolving that trigger yourself or your therapist;
    }
else {
    You can't do anything to change.  Lower the priority and deal with it when you can control it;
    }
}

Yeah, probably went over a lot of people's head. Let me simplify it a little more.

If the condition is true, do ABC. If the condition is false, do XYZ.

I started using this skill to all the triggers in my life. I began by listing out everything that was negatively impacting my mental health and started applying the first stage of my skill ... determining if I have the control to act and do something about it.

Once I had them all listed with the appropriate value of, 'controllable, true or false'.

Here's a scenario where the condition (the trigger) is true (is controllable):
I have a friend that consistently triggers the cycle of depression, has caused suicidal ideation, and overall impacts my mental health in a negative way.

For me, this specific person was one of the reasons I was unable to break the cycle of depression and to tumble deep into the darkness. The negatives far out way the positives.

In this example, I had the ability to control, to act, to do something to resolve this trigger from affecting my mental health.

I made attempts to tell the person how they are affecting me, to try and keep the friendship going, but in a more positive state that wouldn't affect my mental health. Those actions did not work.

So, with having the ability to control the trigger, I made the tough decision of ending that friendship and removed the person from my life.

The end result was an immediate change, in a positive way, in my mental health.

You have to ask yourself. If this person affects you in this way, is it really worth having that person in your life? If this person isn't supportive, helping, or a good person, is it worth having them in your life.

I also applied this idea with the decision to walk away from my entire family. It's not fucking easy,

But you have to ask yourself... Is my mental health more important? The answer should always be yes. keep saying to yourself, **my mental health is the priority and is the most important than anything else in my life.**

Here's a scenario where the condition (the trigger) is false (is NOT controllable):
There's nothing I want in the world than to have my ex-girlfriend to be back in my life, even if it's just a friendship or merely the occasional messaging.

I don't have control over this condition (having her back in my life). Sure, I can keep reaching out every now and then and see if the feelings have changed. But, I cannot force her to be in my life again.

Because of this, why should I allow this trigger or desire to consume my life and affect my mental health so much, as it did in 2018 after she broke up with me? It shouldn't and with using my new skill, control the controllable, I don't worry about it. I don't let it consume my life. I don't let it affect my mental health in a negative way.

I want to make sure, it's not that simple of cut and dry. Even there I changed the condition of the trigger, certainly doesn't me it still doesn't impact my mental health. Yes, it does. There are times when something triggers a wonderful memory that I start to miss her. But, since I worked the problem with my new skill, I have the ability to catch the trigger before it starts the cycle. Catching that trigger early, I remember that I don't have control over this and isn't a priority at this time.

Yes, it's okay to allow these memories or feelings to come up, it's what makes us human. It's how you apply the skills to not allow them to consume your thoughts and emotions. The skill I mentioned above has and continues to work for me.

If it wasn't for learning about CBT and DBT during my two stays at a local behavioral health unit and taking a DBT program, I wouldn't have the necessary groundwork to come up with my own customized skill that is based on those therapies.

Will this work for you? I don't know. You can certainly try, but always understand that everyone handles and deals with things differently. Something that works for me, may not work for you. But, mental health is important, so continue to try new skills, methods, ideas, because we all deserve to enjoy life and be happy.