coming out - let's talk about locker rooms... again
preface.
I just wanted to give readers a heads up before the actual article. I started it back in April and was initially for Live Feisty (the company I intern for), it fell to the wayside due to not having an editor, other priorities, life, and - in my head - possible sponsor conflict. For whatever reason, so much time has passed from the actual timing of the event, I guess it just didn't make much sense to move forward until now. I'll get into why at the end.
I haven't modified it from its original third draft when editing kind of hit a wall. Just something to keep in mind if/when dates/times are pointed out. So, let’s get into it!
food for thought.
I would like to share with you a word and it’s definition that is very relevant to the situation and events that follow.
***
Flinch: /flinCH/ - verb (used without object)
To draw back or shrink, as from what is dangerous, difficult, or unpleasant.
To shrink under pain, wince.
Verb (used with object)
To draw back or withdraw from.
the back story.
By the end of 2018, I embarked again preparing for another Ironman, this time Ironman 70.3 in Coeur d'Alene, as the full no longer happens. I was curious how training for this race will compare to the last one in regards to using the women's locker room. I was going into this training thinking things would be different. I'm pretty much done transitioning, minus gender-affirming surgery (also referred to as bottom surgery), which is happening in October. But, I've developed as much as I will develop. I'm finally the person I should have and want to be.
Naturally, I was thinking about the adversity and walls I faced in 2017 going into this training. For the most part, the locker room situation started drastically different. Granted I'm at the same gym as before, so I'm more established as a member and probably a more familiar face inside and out of the locker room. The number of stares went close to zero. I had no negative encounters with other gym members or cleaning staff like before. I couldn’t have been more enthusiastic to go into that locker room. All of this made me a lot more confident. I didn't have a slight fear or hesitation I went in there. I was so confident, I no longer wanted to hide in a shower stall to anything but take a shower. So, I took that frightening step walking out to the main locker room area and change into my street clothes.
In that second story, I made sure to share how respectful I was and still am in that locker room. I never want to make someone uncomfortable in this area. This time was no different. I always went to a section of the locker room that was the least crowded, and whenever I was exposed from the waist down, I would be face the lockers. If a corner was available I would stand facing the corner. I continue to make every effort I can to be as respectful as possible. As it turned out, nobody cared. Everyone went about their business, if anyone had an issue with the fact a transgender person was in there, they certainly didn't complain or cause a scene because of it.
the event - you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
In March of this year, I moved out of the city and away from the gym (mentioned above) where I've been for the past three years. I moved into Seattle proper. New city, new gym. Going into this new gym I felt like it would be the same experience as before. I would take the same approach that I used at my last gym; the same level of confidence and respect. For the most part, everything was fine. I go in, change, do my workout, shower, change and leave. I was feeling positive. This validated that I am truly part of the tribe and at the very least tolerated in that locker room. I was rolling high!
On April 3rd things suddenly shifted and not in a positive way. I finished my shower and started to get dressed to leave the gym. As I was putting my clothes on when I suddenly heard someone on the other side of the wall say the dreaded words to any trans person, "there's a man in the locker room". Instantly, I dropped everything in my hands and told myself, fuck, here we go. Then another voice spoke, "there's a man in the locker room?", and a final response, "there's a man in the locker room!" I kind of just stood there. I saw a staff member enter into the locker room, at first, she was looking towards the back of the room. She then turned around and looked right at me. I made a questionable look back. She walked up to me and talk me, in front of the entire crowded locker room, "you need to leave the locker room now." The locker room was so silent at this point you could hear a pin drop. Looking at the employees body language and posture, she had no idea what she was doing. I refused to leave and told her that I was a woman and I deserve to be in here. She told me again, "you need to leave the locker room now". I asked for her to get her supervisor, which she told me that he wasn’t able to come into the locker room because he's male. I asked if there were any female managers, she quickly told me that there were no women in management. So I told her again to get her supervisor, and for him to wait outside and I'll go talk to him after I finished. She wouldn't leave, but a few minutes later the male supervisor entered the locker room, and I would only assume a member of security or just a second person, as he was inside the locker room. Usually it’s not supposed to be another male. It’s similar to a male doctor needing to do a breast exam on a patient. There’s usually a female nurse as the procedure is being done. I would also like to point out that he did not announce to the women that a male staff member was entering. No, he just walked in.
The supervisor asked me to leave immediately. I asked why, and he said that they received several complaints from women that there was a guy in the locker room. I asked him to clarify which he then admitted that several women were uncomfortable with "someone like you" in the locker room. I refused again, as I'm a woman and have the right to use the women's locker room. I even handed him my drivers license and asked him to tell me what gender marker he say next to sex. He replied with female. I was told that the gym doesn't have a policy or procedure for this type of situation. I pointed out that in the state of Washington, transgender people have the right to use whatever facility we identify with and it's against the law to discriminate against the trans community. So I made it clear to him that state law is state law, and they say I'm allowed to be in here.
Since the gym “didn't have a policy” he asked me if I could accommodate them until they had time to determine how to handle the situation. At this point, he was heavily implying that I should use the men’s locker room. Which I brought up to him, a woman, going into the men’s locker isn’t going to make any of the men uncomfortable? We’re not even going into how patiently dangerous doing that can be. He started to fumbling his words and attempting to backtrack, but it was already too late. What was done was done.
After I left that gym, I felt humiliated, targeted, discriminated against, and so much more. I immediately posted what happened on social media, and one of my friends noticed my post and sent me a link to the gyms membership policies and club rules on the website of the gym. I went to the link and the third section is Restroom and locker room accessibility-transgender equal opportunity policy. It states as follows:
"As set forth in 24 Hour's Equal Opportunity Policy, all members shall have full and equal access to the club facility. Consistent with this Policy, all members shall have access to the restroom and locker room facilities that correspond to the member's gender identity, regardless of the member's sex assigned at birth. For example, transgender women (who were born male but identify as female) are permitted to use the women's facilities, and vice versa for transgender men. Each member should determine the most appropriate option for her/him/themself."
You can find the link to this policy here: https://www.24hourfitness.com/membership/member_policies/
I was appalled and furious, to say the least. The company had a clearly defined transgender policy and the employee or supervisor wasn't aware of it. I would later find out that the majority of the gym staff weren't aware of this policy either. WHAT!?
So this was the event that started everything that is to come. I wish I could say things got better, but they got even worse.
Because of this act of discrimination, I wanted to do something. I wanted to figure out how we can help make the locker room safe and inclusive. Who better to help fight this discrimination than the women of my triathlon community! The triathlon community has always been tolerant of transgender athletes, at least vocally supportive. When I posted my first story of the subject on Live Feisty’s website, I received a flood of support and messages from people that told me, because of that story they would be our champion in that locker room. Now whether or not that was the case, I'll never know. But, the seed was certainly planted. When I was the only voice for the transgender community at the Outspoken - Women in Triathlon Summit, the amount of support for our community was tremendous. The times I was able to speak for my community, a lot of eyes were opened in that audience to the fact that our community should and could do better. Again, whether any of those attendees went back to their respected local communities and actually did something about it, I'll never know. But, like before, the seed was planted and attention to the issues was given.
Immediately I thought, what better community to engage with than Women for Tri. I was already a member of their Facebook group and strong support of their mission, to increase female participation and awareness in triathlon. Having the support of this large community, platform, and voice would take this locker room and bathroom issue to a whole new level. Sure, myself or other trans people can talk about our right to be in there until we are blue in the face, but our voice will only go so far. If that message comes for a community of CIS women, that voice would carry a tremendous amount of weight and other CIS women would be more welcome to hear it.
So, on April 9th, I decided to share my recent experience in a post to the Women for Tri Facebook group, as well as asking what we as a community can do to make the locker room safe and more inclusive. I wasn’t aiming to make this post political, I wasn’t calling on everyone to contact their respected congressperson, I just wanted to start the conversation on how to make the situation better for everyone involved. I was seeking advice, as well as open the eyes to people who may not be aware. Before posting I knew going in that it would bring out the usual trolls and anti-trans talk, just having the words trans or transgender is going to draw a lot of heat and hate. It’s also nothing I haven't read, seen, shown, or been told to my face already. Well, it certainly sparked a fire in people on both sides of the fence. But, I was shocked by how incredibly respectful the conversation was. Sure, you had your typical haters, but those comments quickly got lost in the shuffle of the actual productive discussion. When things were getting heated and neither side was listening to each other, both parties agreed to disagree and went on their way. I wasn’t expecting that type of behavior, so I was thoroughly impressed by the professionalism of this group.
Early in the morning on the following day, the Women for Tri admins and moderators made the decision to disable the ability to comment on the post giving no explanation as to why. Before I could even think about how I could find out why that happened, they deleted the post altogether, again with no explanation as to why. Now, if they were to just disable commenting, sure I can come to the conclusion that it was taking too much of the admins and moderators time removing comments that went against their community guidelines. You would also think if that was the case, they would just have stated as much, but they didn’t. Why not just delete the post from the beginning?
But, they literally deleted the opportunity to educate people who weren’t able to build an opinion or decide an appropriate course of action, because they don't even know what transgender was! The majority of that discussion was actually educating people more than actually talking about locker rooms! There were many people stating their fear of a trans person in their locker room stemmed for not understanding who we are or what we’re about. I took those opportunities to provide them with a link allowing them to go learn. Many actually did, and after they educated themselves, their opinion changed! We gained a lot of allies because of that discussion.
I'm sorry to say, there are people in your group wanting to seek support, advice, and talk about topics other than needing help deciding what multi-sport watch to buy!
After my post was deleted, I immediately sent a message to every admin and moderator to get some answers. I never heard back from any of them. I wasn’t going to take the excuse that on one was up to respond to my message. It was clear someone on that team was up, because someone too disable and then delete the post. I mean, these things don’t get disabled or deleted by itself. Whoever was doing it didn’t feel the need to respond or provide any information.
At this moment, I was starting to become suspicious, and their further handling of it only cemented my suspicion. I would later find out from multiple sources within in the group that this wasn’t the first trans related post to be deleted.
Okay, things are starting to smell a little fishy.
As many people know about me, when someone tries to silence, censor, or push me into a corner, I get very serious and very direct. Women for Tri was trying to do all of that to me. So I created another post, this time keeping it short and sweet: Let's talk about locker rooms... Part 2. That post got deleted faster than the first. I posted again, changing the wording and presentation around to make it a little more fluffy. That got deleted too.
Within seconds of that final post getting deleted I was removed and banned from Women for Tri.
It wasn’t until getting banned to finally get a response from someone. The main thing coming out of that response… “[T]his has nothing to do with you being a transgender woman…”
Um, I’m sorry, but it has everything to do with me being a transgender woman!
They didn't stop there, oh no. After I was banned, many people from the group reached out to me directly, all saying they posted to the group in support of me and what I was trying to do. All of their posts were immediately deleted. Some members even being warned of being banned if not being banned. People told me that they sent direct messages to the admins as well, and some of the responses they got back from them were argumentative, board line hostile, and extremely unprofessional. One in particular went as far as lying to someone about me.
Does anyone in their team read their own mission statement?
"We are a diverse group of women united in a common goal: To encourage other females to embrace the sport of triathlon. We seek to empower women to dream big, audacious goals because of what what triathlon adds to our lives versus the barriers or challenges it may present. As a trusted resource and support system for beginners, we work to erase the intimidation factor, because we know it can be overwhelming. Through meaningful interactions and friendships we build community and invite women of all ages, sizes, experience levels, and backgrounds to re-imagine their potential. You’ll never have more fun getting seriously fit."
My post in your group encompasses your mission and what this campaign is all about!
"To encourage other females to embrace the sport..."
"We seek to empower women..."
"Trusted resource and support system..."
"Erase the intimidation factor..."
"Meaningful interactions and friendships..."
Now, I'm going to ignore the fact that their entire website heavily implies and leans more towards CIS women rather than trans women, but that’s another topic for another day.
They are making it very clear that Women for Tri isn’t for all Women for Tri. Their actions, and information gathered from multiple sources within the group is this initiative is strictly for CIS women only. So, they really should be calling themselves CIS Women for Tri.
We are told that they are absolutely committed to improving diversity and inclusivity in the sport. Where is it? You go to your website and there is no mention of supporting or welcoming trans women in the sport, or even your community. There are no resources to help trans women enter triathlon. There are no guides for trans women to read or use to help navigate race’s. There are no resources, guides, events to educate schools, colleges, coaches, or race directors on what being transgender is, how do you encourage, support, and help trans women. Nothing to help employees or volunteers on how to engage with trans women, a big one being not to assume someone’s gender by voice of physical appearance, or asking someone what their preferred pronouns are. You have nothing!
Through out all my communication with representatives from (CIS) Women for Tri or The Ironman Foundation, they made an incredible effort to never mention the word trans or transgender. It’s like they are trained not to say either of those words
How is our community to understand that you are actually committed to including and welcoming trans women into your initiative or Ironman for that matter.
I ask you to take a moment and look at the women on their committee of advisors: http://www.womenfortri.com/getting-started/committee-of-advisors.aspx
There isn’t one trans woman on that list.
Which leads to the bigger problem; this mentality has to be coming from somewhere. (CIS) Women for Tri is overseen and funded by The Ironman Foundation, which itself sits under the Ironman umbrella.
Going back to the Outspoken summit once more where I posed the question to Diana Bertsch, Vice President of World Championship Events for Ironman, what is Ironman doing to welcome trans athletes into their sport? The response she gave paints the true picture of this overarching problem… She didn’t know the answer to that question. As someone who handles world championship events for Ironman should have a general idea. This speaks volumes to the entire chain of commands approach to the trans community, and this incompetence trickles down to everything under their umbrella. They think all they need to do is have a bunch of CIS gendered people write up unfair policies and guidelines that dictate what trans athletes have to do in order to compete, and then contract one trans person (and it’s usually the same person each and every time) provide feedback that they will never incorporate. Why? Because it doesn’t follow what the IOC does. Since when is Iron(wo)man an Olympic sport and should assume who the IOC handles trans athletes necessarily works with Ironman. We’re talking two completely different entities. But no, everyone just wants to be lazy and just copy and paste the IOC’s policy. It’s incredibly unfortunate, and really shines the light on how big this problem actually is.
I’ve come to the conclusion that (CIS) Women for Tri and Ironman is not a safe or accepting place for the trans community at any level! I’ve personally made the decision to no longer support either of these organizations until I see that they are serious and the willingness to change. It’s only a matter of time for a trans athlete to take one of those Kona slots, podium spot, and/or world champion away from a CIS gender person. I’m looking forward to that day for multiple reasons; one being the tremendous accomplishment for that trans athlete and the amount of pride it would bring to our community! But it will also reveal the true face of Ironman and the professional athletes that lost to that trans person. Might as well dodge the potential bullet now, rather than live on NBC Sports and Ironman’s Facebook live coverage.
what now - (CIS) women for tri.
I’m not entirely sure if we can do anything about this group but I know what I can do and keep doing.
I will continue to promote and encourage other trans people, not just trans women, to join our wonderful triathlon community, and continue to make it a safe place for us to compete in.
I will continue to lead by example. To be out there and show my community that you to can overcome your dysphoria and be proud of yourself and your body in that tight spandex! I know it’s a challenging thing to overcome. But, that’s why I’m out there bulge and all!
I will continue to fight and stand up for my community, especially when we don’t have a voice to be heard. I will never hesitate calling out anyone or any company or non-profit that tries to silence or censor our voice, or discriminates against us.
Since being banned from (CIS) Women for Tri, I’ve been slowly building my own community called, We Can Tri. This group is an all inclusive and safe place to discuss all things triathlon, as well as other sports. We don’t limit our discussions to just wanting to know the best multi-sport watch to buy. No. It’s a platform to talk about the serious issues plaguing sports and political happenings that may affect members of our community. We encourage people to talk about whatever topic that feel is important. Members can engage with each other without the fear of censorship, being silenced, banned, or dealing with giant egos. Our main rule is to engage in a respectful manner, especially with people who may disagree with someone else. We want healthy debates with people from both sides of the fence.
I believe it’s important to have a community like this, because we need the ability to talk about these very serious issues and figure out how we can fix them. Change starts with a conversation, which then allows for action to follow.
what now - locker rooms.
How do we move forward? This is a difficult question to answer honestly.
With regards to locker rooms, all I can do is to keep going in there with the same level of confidence, and hope that the gym does what they said they were going to do. I continue to communicate with the club manager and representatives in corporate on the progress their making with regards to the handling of said policy.
I’ve brought up locker rooms a few times across a verity of platforms and audiences. It’s the same reaction and response across each one. People either respond with sympathy, empathy, or the go to, I support you, I stand up for you, I will be your champion, I will fight with you. But I don’t know if they are actually doing what they say. I’m left to just take them by their word. But I’m not going to lie, I think it’s just lip service. It’s the right thing to say when a trans person is right in front of you.
I’m asked a lot on what people can do to help support the trans community in that locker room. You can go to your gym, it doesn’t matter if it’s a mom and pop gym or a big box chain. Speak with the club manager and ask if they have policies that speak to trans people being able to use whatever facility they identify with. This is a great first step of championing our cause. If they do, that’s great, continue being that supporter and do everything that you can do to make it safe. If the gym doesn’t, this gives you the perfect opportunity to encourage them to make one. If you are unaware on how to help them with that, start with finding out what the laws the state has with regards to this topic. If the state has laws protecting trans people, then reach out to your local trans community as a resource to help the gym develop their policy. If it’s a big box chain, encourage them to speak with a corporate representative that can help. You can also help provide them resources.
A fantastic site I constantly share to people is a great starting point. It’s the National Center for Transgender Equality. It’s a great website to learn about who we are, the issues we are dealing with, and our rights.
https://transequality.org/issues
https://transequality.org/know-your-rights
They even have an entire section dedicated to public accommodations, and at the bottom of the page provide links to state and local human rights agencies, state civil rights laws, and legal services.
https://transequality.org/know-your-rights
The locker room needs to be a safe place for the trans community. No one should have to live in fear for their safety. Because let me tell you, without any rights or protections, going into that locker room can be extremely dangerous or life threatening.
to end…
Remember that word at the beginning of this article?
Flinch.
Don’t flinch.
I know how hard it is not too, we’ve been trained our entire life to allow the flinch to protect us even when what we’re flinching at isn’t going to do us harm.
Most of the time when someone sees a person being humiliated or discriminated against, that person flinches, drawing back from something difficult or unpleasant. It’s important to protect the people who are defenseless. Don’t flinch.
I would like to end this article the same way I ended my first “Let’s Talk About Locker Rooms…”
So the thing I was dreading the most had become a reality. But I wasn’t going to let these incidents deny me of my goal. Their lack of education on the subject or their hate wasn’t going to stop me from using that locker room or that swimming pool. I kept going! The more I went, the easier using that locker room became. I’m still going to be the most respectful woman in that locker room. But I continue to look forward to the day after my gender-affirming surgery, where I won’t have to worry about hiding anymore.
recent developments.
So, what brought me to finally posting this article? Well, two particular things motivated me to share not only my locker room event but shed light on a nonprofit that continues to show transphobic actions.
Back in November, I was fortunate enough to attend the yearly Outspoken Women in Triathlon Summit. On the second day (CIS) Women for Tri held the Women in Triathlon Awards Banquet. At first, I was not going to attend because it was sponsored by (CIS) Women for Tri, for obvious reasons. I decided against skipping the banquet because it was important to support the amazing nominees and celebrate the achievements that got them all nominated in the first place.
I'm glad I did go because the person who opened the awards was none other than Kyrsten Sinema, US senator of Arizona and the current chairperson for (CIS) Women for Tri. This was the perfect opportunity to talk to someone on the board about my concerns with their treatment of the trans community.
I knew it would be a difficult task to even get one second of her time, but things seemed to fall in my favor as she was talking to someone right behind where I was sitting. Once they were finished talking I wanted to be respectful of her time, so I asked her that I would love the opportunity to speak with her about (CIS) Women for Tri and their treatment towards the trans community. I was pleased that she wanted to talk about it. So, I shared with her what had happened to me as well as previous actions made to censor trans specific topics within their Facebook group to hopefully lead into the lack of trans inclusion specific content and resources to help encourage trans women to join our sport.
She immediately responded with the typical politician talk of how big of an ally she is for the LGBTQ community. I know she's openly Bi, so of course, she's a supporter of the LGBTQ community. I brought up my specific situation with the nonprofit (see above) and to her credit assured me that they did remove the person who was responsible from their Facebook administrators role as well as the advisory board. I was happy to hear that, but she wasn't the only person involved and didn't specifically call out whether or not they made any changes to prevent it in the future. Before I could even continue someone from her office abruptly ended our conversation giving the excuse that she needed to talk to other people. I felt it was a bit rude to just interrupt a conversation like that and someone from her team ushered her away from the trans woman. This same person, again, spewed the typical political nonsense of the "caring" about the LGBTQ community. Notice that they never specifically call out the T in LGBTQ. I mean, I’m a trans woman talking about a trans topic … but hey, it’s cool, you don’t need to say your a supporter or an ally of the TRANS community. Politicians, am I right.
Anyway, here I am with the opportunity to speak with the chairperson of (CIS) Women for Tri about some serious transphobic actions and anti-inclusion of trans women in general within their nonprofit... How do you not feel like she was being "protected" from the possibility of being seen talking to a trans person about a trans issue? Because, god forbid a public figure is heard talking about anything trans-related, they can't upset their constituents. It was all disappointing. The opportunity to make a difference with this nonprofit was taken away AGAIN! I hope you are seeing the pattern here.
The other thing that brought me to post this also has ties with the summit. Dr. Rachel McKinnon, a professor, elite athlete, and trans rights activist, spoke at the summit about including trans women athletes in sport. It was an amazing presentation and talk! The summit made her talk available on their Facebook page, I'll provide the link below to watch.
Just recently, Dr. McKinnon wrote an opinion piece for The New York Times (linked below) once again talking about trans women are women and fairness in the sport with regards to trans women athletes. Anyway, a member of the (CIS) Women for Tri community wanted to share this article in their Facebook group and soon after it was posted, it was deleted. Once again, a pro-trans post was deleted and I'm sure it won't be the last. So, regardless of what Senator Sinema told me, the issue and censorship and hate are still happening. Just because you remove one person from power, doesn't mean it changes the culture. They don’t pick and choose which trans-related post to delete, they delete all trans-related posts.
My opinion of (CIS) Women for Tri hasn’t changed, it still isn’t a safe place for trans women and I don't see any sign of it changing anytime soon.
Link to Dr. McKinnon’s Outspoken Summit talk: https://www.facebook.com/OutspokenSummit/videos/749508432184334/
Link to Dr. McKinnon’s NYT opinion article: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/05/opinion/i-won-a-world-championship-some-people-arent-happy.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&fbclid=IwAR18w7KEaqlZnKssI2rtBpXO5uit6woNZEjdppOqO9vA2TcVuFQgBBu2Z50