post-op - part one
I've started and restarted this post probably about a dozen times, which is the reason why posts to my website are fewer and far between. I get an idea, start outlining it out, but when it gets to typing it… I always get writer's block and never know how to complete it, it's quite annoying. But this is a topic that's constantly on my mind and at least to me might be important to share - maybe someone is about to go into a similar situation and doesn't know what to do. Either way, it's on my mind and typing it out always helps get it off my mind.
Anywho … Posts related to this topic is probably going to feel like complete word vomit and probably make no sense, haha.
So, yeah. I guess you may or may not know that I finally had my bottom surgery in October … Woot! You might have read my previous post, two years in the making, which I shared the journey that I had to take to even make the surgery happen. It was some tough stuff but I got through it. Anywho, here I am about seven weeks post-op and it's been some roller coaster of a ride!
Going into the surgery I had a general idea of what to expect afterward, at least that's what I thought. Geez was I in for a freakin wake-up call, Jesus! I'm going to get to some of the things I wasn't prepared for that you might find interesting, as it was for me.
don't tell me I can't do something.
Let's go back in time a little to the months leading up to my surgery day. I was in a constant battle with my care team with regards to post-op care and recovery. Everyone involved was adamant that I couldn't handle it on my own and that it's important to have people around to help support. Like, emotional support as well as physical help. Unfortunately, this wasn't reality. I don't have a lot of people in my life so there isn't anyone that I could even ask to provide those things.
With my history of mental health, there were times they were questioning whether I should be approved for surgery, regardless of all the hard work I've done to dramatically improve my mental health. So, once again I had to prove myself that I was capable and show them that I had a plan. It was heavily implied that I could not do this alone.
It's funny, ever since my accident, back in 2015, I get told that I can't do something. When I was recovering from my TBI and when asked to make a goal for myself to give me the motivation to succeed in rehab, I told them that I was going to do a full Ironman. I was told to aim lower. Oh boy, now I'm more motivated than ever because I'm going to prove you wrong.
This time around it's no different. You just told me I couldn't do it. Well, fire is lit and I'm going to prove you all wrong. But, I'm also not stupid, going in blind is only going to set myself up for failure. So, I developed a plan of action to prepare myself and my living environment as much as possible before I leave for surgery and when I returned. I shared my plan with my care team and they were hesitant but a bit more comfortable.
Guess what? I proved them wrong. Despite post-op recovery and care was extremely challenging, but I did it alone.
Now, with all that said…
Don't do it alone!
Yep. I highly recommend not to go at this alone. Yes, it is possible but it's just not worth it. The simplest things like getting food was like climbing Everest without oxygen support. Everything is 100 times more difficult. If you don't have any friends or family that is willing to help you during the first couple of weeks post-op, spend the money for a nurse or anyone to come over for a couple of hours to do these simple little things. I regret not looking into an in-home nursing service.
It's also not just help with the simple things needing to be done around the house, but it's having that support for the emotional rollercoaster you'll be on. Like, for me, just looking at my new vagina made me cry. Not tears of happiness but crying at the mess that is an operated area healing. It looked hideous. It was swollen, bloody, crusty, etc… You get those thoughts of regret. Those voices asking you, "what the hell did you do to yourself?". I don't know about anyone else, but for me, I couldn't see the end game. I couldn't see what it will become once it's fully healed. I wish I had that person to talk to and to hear the reassurances.
But, one of the biggest reasons to not go at this alone is if something goes wrong you will have someone with you or to call to come over immediately. This happened to me. Two weeks after surgery I started to bleed out from the surgical area. I'm not talking drops of blood here, no, I'm talking about a non-stop shower of blood. Even though my roommates were home, they weren't interested in providing any kind of help (this isn't something I'm going to go into). This emergency, which I'm not trained to handle mind you, I had to handle alone. Let me tell you right now, I was scared to death! I thought I was going to bleed out to death. It took me a few minutes to get out of "flight and into that fight" mindset. Thankfully I was able to handle the situation with the help of one of the nurses from the office of my surgeon who guided me through how to "stop" the bleeding until paramedics arrived.
Hindsight is always 50/50, but if you have the people in your life and they are willing to help you during the first couple of weeks, don't turn them down.
an addition.
After putting this post live and while dilating of all times, something was eating at me. That something was the way I went about ending it. Simply saying, "don't do it alone" comes with weight, not necessarily a negative but not being respectful to someone's specific situation. Someone's situation that is similar to my own, not having anyone in their life that could provide that help and support. I should have been more respectful of my own situation and others who are right there with me.
Don't get me wrong, I still believe no one should have to go through the first couple of weeks post-op alone, but like I told my own care team, it's just not reality.
With that said...
For my specific post-op care, I'm proof that you can do it alone if that is your only option. There are many people who have proved to the world that it is possible to do it alone. But, don't go into whatever surgery you're having to look to prove that you don't need anyone. This is simply a last resort. But, in the years/months/days leading into your surgery to try and either establish those relationships to the point where they would be open, willing, and available to give you that help and support. If that's not looking like reality than look into an in-home nursing service. Just exhaust everything option before tackling it alone.
Everyone is different. Everyone's situation is different. I just hope this little addition helps provide a bit more perspective.